September of my Years

Coming into this year I tried to force myself to feel optimistic. It worked about 36 hours; I started writing the first draft of this during that blissful 36 hours, expecting to use the reflection to celebrate all the fun things to come.   Then, with apologies to Gregory of Tours, “A great many things happened”.   Existence right now is dichotomy; a feeling of immense distance from a wide swath of the world, counterbalanced by a deep sense of responsibility and community to others. The history books I’ve read as a hobby for 30 years are coming to life around me. All I want is to find peace and bring joy, all I feel is despair and sadness at the pain I see and feel helpless to fix.   When dad died six years ago, a tether that snapped inside of me. I thought time would knit it back together but I’ve come to accept that’s not what happens. I’m simply…unmoored. Drifting away I struggle to find a pier to tie up to; meaning and purpose. I had to know who I was so I ...